Co-Regulation and Self-Regulation for Parents: Building Calm and Connection with Neurodivergent Children

Discover the essential role of self-regulation and co-regulation for parents of neurodivergent children. Learn practical strategies to manage your emotions, set healthy boundaries, and foster a calm, supportive environment that helps your child thrive emotionally and behaviorally. Build a strong parent-child relationship based on empathy, patience, and emotional validation.

Published On Oct 15, 2025

By Ranjitha Ganesh

Late diagnosed autistic person and also mother of an autistic teenager

This blog is a continuation in the series of Self — Regulation skills.

I am a late diagnosed autistic adult as well as a mother to an autistic teenager. After years of struggle to understand myself, I learnt to regulate myself and validate my feelings. I understood how co-regulation helped both me and my son.

Let us see what is co-regulation

Co-regulation means a process where individuals help and support each other manage their emotions and behaviours. It is very important in early childhood to have a self-regulated adult around the house.

Self-regulated parents provide a stable, supportive and safe home environment. Co-regulation plays a vital role in helping children manage their feelings.

How can parents self regulate?

Self awareness

Emotional literacy is learning to identify and label one’s emotions. Labeling helps to validate and process the unease we feel during times of stress.

Threshold of tolerance and breaks

As a parent, I learnt to create healthy boundaries and understand my limits of tolerance. Taking breaks helped me process my feelings and calm down. Behaviour of the parent in times of stress, teaches the children to handle tough circumstances with similar strategies. Parents have to take some time off and connect with their own selves each day.

Create a schedule with the 'me time’.

Parents of neurodivergent children have high stress levels and hence, it is of utmost importance to take care of their mental health. Each day I self-regulate by sitting in a quiet place, take a walk in the nature, read /chant mantras, etc. This helps me to realign myself and stay grounded.

Positive parenting

Self-regulated parents are more likely to respond with patience and understanding to their children. The compassion and empathy improves when parents are calmer in chaotic situations.

Having a calm parent during meltdowns helps the child learn positive ways to respond to their own emotions and feelings

Co-regulation sets the foundation for improving the parent child relationship. This happens organically when the parents are at peace with their emotions and become role models for their children.

Happy parenting!