This blog intends to discuss the practical difficulties in a neurodivergent (ND) family while resolving fights, feelings of resentment.

The Neurodivergent families have to deal with sibling rivalry, jealousy, happy feelings just like any neurotypical family. There are differences in which these feelings are manifested or expressed in ND families. Parents in neurodivergent families have an important role to play in helping the children tied over their difficult feelings. Let’s see what are some challenges faced by these families.

Differences in communication styles

The sibling rivalry in a neurodivergent family can be heightened due to communication differences. If the neurodivergent sibling is non-verbal or minimally speaking, their non-verbal cues may not be picked up by the neurotypical sibling, leading to frustration and misunderstanding. Even if the neurodivergent sibling can speak, there can be difficulties in expressing their feelings because of the differences in communication style.

Unequal distribution of attention given to the children

Often, in neurodivergent families, the neurotypical child feels as if they have been handed out the short end of the stick, with most of the parents’ time being taken up by their sibling. This builds up resentment in the young minds.

Different needs

The needs of the two siblings may be different, and the parent might feel torn apart trying to address the varying needs of both. Sometimes, maybe compromises or adjustments might have to be done by either of the children which can make them feel that the parent is being unfair.

For example if the family goes out to a social gathering and due to the discomfort / challenges faced by the neuro divergent child, the family might have to leave the party earlier than expected where as the neuro typical child might have wanted to stay back for longer. These type of situations create frustrations, which could build resentment in their minds.

Strategies and Solutions to cope with such a situation in a healthy and open manner:

To mitigate the growing rivalry, parents need to -

• Provide individual attention. Take one of the children out regularly and spend alone time with each whenever they can.
• Teach them early to resolve conflicts Parents have to assist the children by building up skills to resolve conflicts. They have to stop a physical tussle from happening and help the children to go to their separate calm spots to regulate themselves.
• Have an open communication about the feelings. By modelling, the parents can encourage the children to share their feelings.
• Create a mutual understanding between the siblings. Acceptance of individual differences can help foster a deeper connection between the siblings.
• Reduce communication barriers. Parents can help the siblings find their unique way of playing and bonding.
• Emphasize similar interests- If the children love a particular kind of game or food, highlighting their shared interests helps them bond better, and they feel that they are in the same team, creating a sense of affinity and belonging.
• Encourage them to share positive experiences As parents, while validating the difficulties faced by the children is important, teaching them to observe things in a positive light is also equally important. Children need to be encouraged to share their positive experiences too.

These are just general strategies, and families might need to figure out their own way of building strong relationships between children. It requires continuous efforts on the part of each member of the neurodivergent family to achieve this goal.

In the next part of this series, I will be sharing my experience of parenting and trying to build a bond between my children.