"The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it." — Thich Nhat Hanh.

A warm, fuzzy feeling fills your heart when you do something you love in your favourite place. That is the spark of joy we all yearn for. Like many other autism moms, I struggled to keep joy in my life during hard times. Constantly being in survival mode for long periods and the stress of endlessly advocating for your child can dim that joy. Everything seemed dark, and things I once enjoyed no longer felt the same. I kept asking myself what had changed. I focused all my energy on making everything perfect, which made me work too hard. This was impossible and eventually led to severe burnout. I felt very lonely in my struggles, even when I had my family with me. I am a late-diagnosed autistic adult, and sharing my feelings has never been easy.

A significant shift in perspective happened during the darkest phase of my life. I felt I had reached the bottom and could not sink any deeper. I realised I had a choice: seek help or give up. Fortunately, I found the support I needed. My son’s therapist suggested a therapist to help me with my anxiety. It was a long journey that I embarked on, incredulously. In the early days of therapy, I struggled to open up about my feelings because I had mastered suppressing my emotions. My therapist made me feel comfortable with my difficult feelings. I learnt to introspect and work on my stressors with her help. On her suggestion, I started a gratitude journal. At first, I struggled to find anything to write; even a sentence of gratitude for my warm coffee in the morning felt foolish. But my therapist encouraged me to persevere. Gratitude helped me notice the good things in my life, my son’s innocence, mainly, which guided me out of misery. He found joy in simple, everyday moments. He unknowingly taught me the power of being present. Slowly, anxiety started giving way to joy in my life again.

The journey wasn't easy; my coping mechanism was losing myself in endless episodes of TV series for hours to escape my feelings, but once I put the phone down, I found myself in a quagmire of thoughts, feeling empty. I persisted with small efforts each day, I woke up early to meditate and took time out for myself. There were some good days and lots of bad days, but I learnt to look for things to smile about each day. I immersed myself in spiritual texts that encouraged me to address my inner unrest. I read books like The Magic of Believing- Claude Bristol and The Power of Your Subconscious Mind - Dr Joseph Murphy, Things that You only See When You Slow Down- Haemin Sunim, and I chose to believe in turning my life around, too. I learnt to pause, breathe, and experience my surroundings – the soft breeze stroking my face gently, and to take in the sweet smell of the wet soil on a rainy day.

I rediscovered the joy is found in ordinary moments, which was deeper than fleeting happiness. Joy, regardless of external situations, forms a lasting spark within us. We may need to change the lens through which we see our lives. If we see our difficult circumstances as a struggle, life starts to feel suffocating with little space to breathe. But when we learn to perceive challenges as opportunities to grow, it creates a shift in our lives. We can begin to feel a spark of joy naturally and spread it around us. The Power of Perception undeniably holds the reins over happiness.

For parents of neurodivergent children, currently, there are support groups that can help with proper guidance regarding therapy for them as well. I genuinely hope that the stigmas related to mental health are addressed, and mental health deserves the same urgency and respect as physical health. Parents of neurodivergent children should have access to information about helplines and support groups devoted to mental health. As a community, we need to come out and support one another and work together to destigmatise mental health and normalise treatment for it. Let’s remove the shame associated  with mental health and support those  around us going through it.

Art : Ranjitha

PC: Internet